


I’m Too Tired To Be Tough (Just Wanna Be Loved By You)

by Alienoresimagines



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Hoosid, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:15:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26649640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alienoresimagines/pseuds/Alienoresimagines
Summary: On a Winter day, Hoosier reflects on his relationship with Sid, what's holding him back and what keeps him moving.
Relationships: Sidney "Sid" Phillips/Bill "Hoosier" Smith, Sidney "Sid" Phillips/Eugene Sledge (platonic) (mentioned)
Kudos: 3





	I’m Too Tired To Be Tough (Just Wanna Be Loved By You)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on here, yayyy! You can also find this and more on my tumblr under the same username, I mainly post x Reader but I'm taking requests :)

Hoosier loved winters. True winters, with snow and cold, where you’re sick with the flu and not with some illness mosquitoes gave you.

It was the time of the year where he could just lay on whatever surface he found as long as he was wrapped in his blankets.

When he was a kid, he always loved and expected Christmas. His mother’s kind eyes at the end of the stairs near the Christmas tree, waiting for him was the first thing he thought about when asked about home. It was probably the only day he would’ve consider waking up early willingly. Now, he held Christmas and snow even closer to his heart as it was the only things not tainted by the war.

It was the first time he’d celebrate it since he was back. Sidney had invited him to spend it with him, his parents and sister being away somewhere in Chicago. Hoosier refused to think about why he had accepted.

“Are you going to be laid under your blankets all day?”

Sid sat down on the space left of the couch, two cups of coffee in his hands as he handed one to Bill who nodded his thanks while taking the warm cup in his cold hands.

“Why would you want me to do anything else?” He looked up from his blanket, brought the mug to his lips and took a sip, all while carefully studying the younger man who was watching him with something that looked like softness in his kind blue eyes. Hoosier refused to linger on it, but he craved something that he knew only the man beside him could offer. The warmth that was radiating off Sidney only made it to harder to not reach out to grab him by the collar and cuddle to his side. He didn’t even know why he was fighting that instinct, that need.

The source of all his internal conflicts was neatly clothed, Bill noticed. His blonde, slightly curly hair was arranged perfectly to fit his face, his white shirt straight and clean. No matter how much he denied it, Sid always put time into his appearance. There were times Hoosier feared it was to impress him.

Though there was no need, the only thing between them two being Hoosier himself. And for once he was ready to give in. Ready to give him more than a few kisses when the war came too close from knocking at his heart’s door, more than lingering touches he couldn’t hold back, to give him the person he was, but most importantly the person he wasn’t anymore.

“Fair point.” Sidney’s gentle voice brought him back to reality, making him painfully realize how dry his throat was. As if he was back on the damned last island, with dust and blood everywhere he looked. It was easier when they were fighting a war. Then Hoosier could act as he wanted, although chained by fear, he was allowed to joke around and in a rush of fondness give a present and celebrating someone’s birthday. Even if the present was a mere grenade, in a battle it could save his life. But Hoosier hadn’t think about that aspect, it was simply the first thing he laid the hand on. After all, they were in a war, he could have died at any moment, leaving and forgetting everything behind. Past loves and future sorrows.

Hoosier took another sip of his too hot coffee without breaking the eye contact, feeling the warmth deep within his chest again and butterflies in his stomach. Maybe this time, Sid wouldn’t be disappointed and Hoosier’s heart wouldn’t be crushed.

The ringing of the phone in the hallway pierced his ears but he did not flinch and instead rolled his eyes and reluctantly started to move out of his comfortable spot.

“I’ll take that one, Bill.” Sid was off before Hoosier could say a thing but he heard how the younger one’s voice was shaking. His fists clenched as guilt washed over him but he couldn’t let his fences down, no matter how much he tried. Hoosier felt like the bad boy in high school who’d bring girl’s hopes up just to let them know he was in fact interested in their best friend. His mother didn’t raise him like such, the twist in his stomach let him know.

It most probably wasn’t what Sid had in mind as company for Christmas. Hoosier threw his head back and closed his eyes, praying to a god he stopped believing in.

Sidney’s youthful faith appeared in the doorway, a fake smile on his face and Hoosier’s silent prayers turned into curses.

“Eugene wants to know if we’re down for a walk.” He was tired, Hoosier finally realized.

Tired of loving someone who didn’t allow himself to give it back.

Tired of trying and trying for what seemed to be nothing.

Bill was tired too.

“When?”

“Why would that matter, do you have something planned in the near future?” That stung, and Bill flinched. He deserved it though, but what hurt even more was the look of guilt on Sid’s features. People like Sid shouldn’t have to be sad or feel any kind of negative emotions.

“Yes, for ya to sit down here and cuddle me, ’m cold.” Sid watched him with wide eyes, surely repeating what he just said in his head over and over to be sure it was real. Bill watched as Sid’s blue eyes sparkled and he bit his lips, trying so hard not to smile but failing miserably.

That sight was worth fighting every evil in the world.

“I..I’m sure Gene won’t take that against you.” No, _that_ he wouldn’t. But Bill knew that Sledge fella had some unpleasant but deserved words for him. Bill smiled at Sid, truly and with every emotions he could muster. It seemed to be enough for Sid as he left, lighter than before.

Somehow, it hurt even more.

When Sid returned, after muffled whispers of bliss and hushed confessions to his best friend, the smile hadn’t left his face, even if Bill could say he was trying to tone it down.

His own face was softened, lips forming a lazy smile as he observed Sid with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” He asked while making place for him.

“Are you alright? I mean.. I don’t want to force you in anything you don’t want.. I-” Sidney spoke fast his doubts but his eyes didn’t lie. Oh, what did Bill do? What was he even doing?

 _Nothing good could ever come out of it_ , his brain whispered.

 _He’s scarred and so are you. Right now doesn’t have to be good as long as he makes you feel a better man_ , his heart chimed in.

Bill’s face darkened for a second before he looked at Sid’s face again. He made eye contact with him for several seconds, corners of the lips twitching slightly.

“Sid. Stop thinking and come cuddle with me.” Sid laughed in relief, still a bit stiff but making his way over. They struggled a bit at first with all the fluffy blankets but they managed, and the younger one settled on his side, head layed on Bill’s shoulder and slowly intertwining their fingers, his own shaking.

Hesitating, not sure of the moves he was allowed to do without making Bill walk away.

For the first time in days, Bill’s love for Sid won against his hatred, and he firmly but tenderly squeezed Sid’s hand.


End file.
